Healing After You’ve Been Abused
Abuse is something that one in three women will experience in their lifetime.
In a recent post, I shared an open letter to a man that abused that me and left me broken inside.
Here’s how I am healing:
Going to therapy helped me heal because my therapist was someone who wasn’t biased and wasn’t afraid to be frank with me. She helped me pull the tools out of my toolbox and use them. She reminded me that I have already been through so much and that this recent relationship will not destroy me. She reminded me of my faith in God and helped me uncover him in a way that I have never known him before.
I encourage you mama, to get connected to therapy. There is no shame in feeling broken inside and seeking help to piece you back together. That is wise and brave and honorable of you.
I prayed and asked God to heal me. His word says that he is near the broken hearted and this let me know that he was right there with me. I took what felt like an hour to cry out to God and let him know my sadness, my emptiness, my hurt. I left him know everything that I thought and everything that I wanted to do. I prayed for the man that my heart desires to meet.
I prayed that he’d be different, in a good way, from any other man that I have been with. I prayed that God would help me break my heart for what breaks his. I prayed that God would give me self-control and patience. I prayed and got closer to God.
Won’t you pray? If you don’t have a prayer life, get one! Though I have listed this second, prayer has been and will always be the most important tool to change your life.
I struggled with low self esteem and timidness. I wasn’t sure of myself for a really long time. So when a man came along and wooed me I thought he was really great, when in fact, he was just being charming and deceitful and didn’t have good intentions for me.
Now that I have some confidence and I am sure about who I am, I don’t settle for flattery. I don’t allow a man who puts me on a peddle stool to just sweep me off of my feet and get me caught up.
When you get a glimpse at who God sees when he looks at you, your life will be changed. Take a moment and write down all the good things that you like about yourself. If you can’t think of any, ask a friend or two what they like about you.
Look up some affirmations and build yourself. It all starts in the mind and the way that you think about yourself. Know that you are more, so much more than everything that you’ve been through. You are more!
Abusive people come in like a wild a fire. They cross your boundaries and then get reckless. Hold your ground mama! When you tell ANYONE no, mean it and don’t go back on it. Don’t worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. Worry about your health and your own security. The issue with abusers is that they know that you are too nice.
They know that you will move the line because you don’t want to upset anyone. So know that yes, sometimes, you have to put yourself first. Write down a list of what you will and will not do in any relationship, then stick to it!
I found love.
I found the love of God through friends, coworkers and church people. I needed to be embraced. I needed my love tank to be filled. I needed to know and hear that someone loves me. I went looking for love. I looked for it at work and have found it through a coworker turned friend. I looked for it at church and have found a handful of people at different churches who love me and my daughter. I reconnected to friends that I hadn’t talked to in a long time and told them what I had been through and told them what I needed and you know what, they understood. They understood and our lines of communication began to open more and more.
Mama, find the love of God, find it in the right places and through other people, not just a man. Make that you’re goal. It’s attainable and it’s an awesome gift to have.
My prayer for you.
Mama, if you have been abused in any way by a man, my prayer for you today is that your broken heart would be healed in Jesus name.
I pray that you’d get connected to therapy. I pray that your prayer life would skyrocket. I pray that God would change the way that you think and line it up with wisdom of the Bible. I pray that God would help you to come up with some boundaries and that he would give you the strength to keep them up. I pray that you would find the love of God through other people before you find the love of God from a man. In Jesus name.
I pray that you’d believe that there are second and third and forth chances to get it right. I pray that you’d believe that God has someone out there for you if your heart so desires it. It’s hard to come back after being hurt and feeling defeated. But mama, you have not lost this journey. You may have lost a relationship, but know that God is working it out for your good!
In the same way that Ruth’s husband died and sometime later she met Boaz, God is going to do the same for you. He is going to turn your sadness and your disappointment into joy and happiness!
I believe it, do you?