Singleness Is Not A Problem To Be Fixed

Therefore stop focusing on fixing it.

Singleness, you’d think it was a problem with the way that people complain about their relationship status.

This week in CSM Support Group we talked about this a little. I uploaded the message to YouTube here.

Apostle Paul, in 1 Corin. 7 talks about this exact issue. He starts out by addressing sex and how it’s for marriage, then in verse 7- 9 he goes on to say:

“Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single.” 

What does that mean?

The Bible is clear and decisive, it’s us who make it more complicated. The scripture is saying:

  1. Single life is simple.
  2. When you are single you are celibate.
  3. Singleness is a gift from God.

Why is that hard for us to understand and grasp? Could it be because we are single and having sex occasionally? Could it be because we allow society and the Church even to distract us from our present that we focus so much on our hopes for our future? Could it be because we don’t recognize being single as a gift from God?

If I were you, I’d say yes to all of the above.

Single life really is simple.

As a single mother it can be much more complicated than just a single individual who doesn’t have children. However there are still some simplicities. For example, you don’t have to worry about taking care of anyone else besides you and your child. I imagine it’s difficult to care for another adult, let alone a man adult.

Right now you only have to divvy up your time between yourself and your children. When you’re in a relationship you have a whole other person to consider. Not that these “worries” are all bad, because they aren’t, just being single is easier. You have more freedom and more time to spend on the things that you want.

My pastor suggested that if you are single there is no reason why you shouldn’t be serving in some capacity at your church home. You have the time and most churches have a nursery or childcare. Utilize it.

When you are single you should not be having sex.

Celibate, by definition, means “abstaining from marriage and sexual relations,” What I gather from that is that sexual relations and marriage go hand and in hand. We know that sex outside of marriage is a sin.

Many of us single mothers are single mothers because we had unprotected sex with a man who was not our husband. Thank God for the gift of a baby and not an STD.

Celibacy is difficult and the Lord knows that, scripture says that if you cannot control your sexual desires and emotions then “go ahead and get married.” However, sex should not be the only reason why you want to get married and I will address this in a different post.

The truth still stands. Sex is for marriage. Stop having sex with that man if you two are not married. Period. There is so much that comes with having sex outside of marriage that it isn’t even worth it. Mama, it’d be going against my integrity if I didn’t tell you that I struggle in this area because I am, but as I grow closer to the Lord I am hopeful that celibacy will soon become an issue of the past.

Singleness is a gift! Accept it!

Anything given from God is worth having and enjoying. Mama, enjoy your season of singleness. If it be for the rest of your life or for a little while longer. Enjoy it!


Mama, are you looking for support as a parent? Consider joining my CSM Support Group


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