CSM Story | Our Unknown Journey
Hello Beautiful Mamahs!
I am so honored and so excited to be part this very special series “Christian Single Mama”. I’m not a professional writer or blogger, however, I love to write, be honest and share Gods Love. I always get a bit nervous when it comes to being vulnerable and sharing something very personal and real of my life, but little by little I’ve been learning to be more open and to treasure my story. Mamahs! no matter what your path has been your Story has power.
Here is a bit of us….
I am a mamah to my lil one who is now 4. I share our adventures and our “Unknown Journey” in our blog and IG (@ourunknown.journey). Why unknown journey? This is what I have called this season…. I have learned to understand that God often calls us to step into ‘unknown’ territory as we follow Him. Teaching us to forgive, give away our treasures and give up on things that provide security and pleasure. By doing this we get the results of ‘unknown outcomes’….
Winter of 2014, my life changed in every single little way…I was broken, betrayed, violated by the one person I trusted and thought would never hurt me…my husband.
…I remember going CRAZY! YELLING!… How could this be possible?… Us? My Little family? Why would my husband betray us? not only betray us by having an affair but also bringing this person to OUR home. As I yelled at her and pushed her to leave my home my husband would push me and say “ It’s been over Steph!”…
Till this day I remember those words soooo clear, and it’s hurtful!… Why wasn’t I told it was over? Plus, even if it was over, we are still married! I live at this house!… I have my stuff here!…
When I came back inside the house, again I yelled at my husband “WHY?”… I remember sitting in the living room and him sitting on a chair. It was quiet, I just felt tears running down my face, and my heart beating TOO fast, I was shacking, I didn’t know what to do or what to say anymore, everything was just sooo unreal!… all that came out of my mouth was “WHY?”
That night I drove to my parents home, and that ride I will never forget, it was the longest ride ever. I yelled at God!….I was angry at Him!… my identity was lost, my home was broken, my dreams and plans were shattered. I was in a ‘dark’ place, I was betrayed, I was hurt, I was broken!
I didn’t know this was the beginning of a very long journey. Its been almost four years since this incident and I am just seeing the light again. I am discovering a new me, loving and truly enjoying motherhood, and treasuring this unknown journey. I never got answers, I never got a “sorry”, I still don’t know why this had to happen. And let’s be real…I still cry, and the memory is still there, but I know that soon very soon that memory won’t hurt or control me anymore.
Beautiful mamah, if you are reading this please know you are not alone!… You have other mamahs around you that understand your pain, your struggle. We might all have a different story, but we are all connected in some way.
If you need hope today I strongly believe you will find hope in God, He truly is the key. And if you don’t see answers or results right away, be patient mamah and don’t give up. Lastly, learn to embrace your journey and find beauty. “He makes beauty out of ashes” (Isaiah 61:13)
God: My relationship with God is stronger and I believe this is what has helped me heal. I didn’t understand at first, but now I know that being set apart to heal is KEY. Many times we are so desperate for answers and directions we tend to forget to seek God first…TRUST ME! if certain doors are being shut and you start feeling alone, its OKAY!…”Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you NEED” (Matthew 6:33), it doesn’t say everything you want, it says everything you NEED!…and when you allow Him to do that, He will place you with the right people at the right place at the right time.
Patience: Dont be hard on yourself! healing takes time, forgiving someone or even forgiving yourself takes time. Don’t rush things or try to do things on your own because its “taking too long” , by doing this you push your healing, your blessing and purpose farther. Remember “God can restore what is broken and change it into something amazing. All you need is Faith” (Joel 2:25)
Learning to Embrace your journey!: If your a single mom, dont focus on the negative focus on the positive! Yes its just you and your little/s, yes its hard, yes its tiring, yes it hurts…and YES! its okay to feel all this, but dont allow these feelings/emotions control you. You have to remind yourself, not every mamah is like you! you have a story! your brave! your worth! your needed! and God sent you your little angel/s to help you in this journey. So cherish them and embrace your journey.
Be Blessed! and Be Encouraged!